We all want to be respected by others. And, we would all love to have control over whether or not others treat us respectfully. Is this realistic?

Nigel, one of my clients, has a lot of confusion about this issue. He believes that people, especially his wife and children, “should” be respectful to him, and he gets very angry when they treat him disrespectfully - which they often do.

What Nigel has failed to understand - which is what led him to seek my help - is that others are often a mirror of how we treat ourselves.

Much of my work with Nigel has centered around becoming aware of the many ways he disrespects himself and what would be respectful to himself.

EMOTIONALLY:

* He often judges his own feelings, discounting his feelings and telling himself that he “shouldn’t” feel this way.

* He often ignores his feelings, staying focused in his head instead of his body, and turning to addictions, such as sugar and TV to numb his feelings.

* He sees himself as a victim of others’ choices, making others responsible for his feelings rather than taking responsibility for his own pain and joy.

PHYSICALLY:

* He often stays up late watching TV, disrespecting his need for adequate sleep.

* He often grabs junk food, not taking the time to eat well, disrespecting his body’s need for good nutrition.

* He doesn’t take the time to exercise so he is out of shape, disrespecting his need for a strong and healthy body.

* He dresses poorly, even to the point of wearing socks with holes in them, and often wearing dirty or wrinkled clothes, disrespecting his inner desire for clean and appropriate clothing.

ORGANIZATIONALLY:

* He is often late, disrespecting his inner desire to get places on time and not be stressed about it.

* His desk is often a mess, disrespecting his inner desire for order in his life.

FINANCIALLY:

* He does not balance his checkbook and is often overdrawn at the bank, much to the distress of his wife.

* While he makes plenty of money, he doesn’t save anything, creating an inner sense of insecurity.

* He often uses money to try to control how others feel about him, disrespecting his own inner worth by trying to buy others’ approval.

RELATIONALLY:

* He often care-takes others rather than saying no when he means no, and yes when he means yes, giving himself up to control others, completely disrespecting his own feelings and needs.

* He often explains and defends, trying to control others rather than standing in his own power.

SPIRITUALLY:

* While he believes in God, he takes no time to nourish himself spiritually.

* He does things in business that he is not proud of, not respecting himself enough to behave with integrity.

These are just a few of the ways that Nigel has learned to disrespect himself. Others, seeing or sensing his disrespect for himself, naturally treat him with the same disrespect with which he treats himself. Rather than becoming angry at them, Nigel is learning to see them as a mirror of his own inner system. Each time his wife or children, or anyone else treats him disrespectfully, Nigel is learning to go inside and see how he is treating himself.

As a result of this, more people are treating him respectfully. While there will always be some people who are consistently disrespectful to everyone, Nigel is finding out that others do change in response to his changes. He is also learning to respect himself enough to disengage from others when they are being disrespectful to him.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have healed their pain and discovered their joy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.

Article Source: Your Net Advisor

Do you wake up in the morning feeling as though something is missing from your life? Do you find yourself thinking that life just hasn’t turned out the way you expected? Do you keep looking for that illusive something that will make you happy? Do you look around you and feel as though there should be something more to life? If so then you are not alone. You are one of the millions of people who feel unfulfilled or mild depression.

The good news is that you can change all that starting today. It will take some effort, but you can lead a happier and more fulfilled life starting right now. In fact, you have already begun by taking the time to read this article. You are admitting to yourself that you want to live a happier and more fulfilled life and are willing to make the changes that are necessary to achieve that goal.

It starts by learning to be grateful for what you do have. For those talents and abilities that you have been given or worked hard to achieve, for those people in your life who care about you, for your health, and for all those little things that you have been taking for granted.

What do you have to be grateful for?

You are probably asking yourself what do you have to be grateful for. You might even be thinking such thoughts as “I don’t have the job I really want.” or “I can’t even afford a vacation” These things may even be true but, by focusing on all the things you don’t have you are overlooking what you do have and that is a big part of why you feel the way you do. You need to change your focus and start looking at what is good in your life.

Start by making a list, as silly as this sounds it really does help and you will be surprised at how many things you have that you can be grateful for. When making your list it is important to keep your focus on the positive. For example, instead of thinking that you don’t have the job you really want, focus on the fact that you have a job. If you don’t think that is something to be grateful for then try thinking of all the people right now who are unable to find work of any kind.

Once you have your list, post it where you can see it and read it every single day. Really think about each item on the list and how lucky you are to have those things going for you and how that makes you feel. It will begin to change your outlook and help you to feel more fulfilled right now.

Being grateful doesn’t mean you can’t make changes

Being grateful doesn’t mean you can’t make changes. In fact, feeling more fulfilled allows you to focus on what you can achieve rather than what you haven’t. When you feel more positive about your life you have the ability to move forward and to achieve more than you ever thought possible. What is even more important is that you will enjoy each step you take towards even more success.

To learn more about hammocks and how they can help you relax or to order your Quilted Hammock visit our site http://rockinhammocks.com or call 1-800-652-4098.

Article Source: Your Net Advisor

With anger management in many courses & situations, there’re thousands of references available to persons affected. Beside support communities, one-on-one therapy sessions & therapy facilities, there’re a lot of anger management books on hand to aid people cope with anger-related matters. There are anger management books written specializing in numerous communities like young children, adults, adult males, teenage girls, young couples and everybody who is thrown into the mix in cases which could necessitate management of anger advice. Thanks to the diverse desires, these anger management books can be prepared for being understood in the various groups in addition to used as resources to regulate anger & work in different situations.

Anger management books for kids give attention to a kid’s tendencies to feelings of anger. Making use of illustrations and tales which kids are able to relate to, these books are prepared in this type of way so that kids can relate and with any luck learn out of. There are also anger management books intended for children, meant to be utilized by people working through behavioral troubles with teenagers. These books consist of suggestions and approaches for coping with kids who can be having hard times brought about by emotions of anger. Using these books, programs and helpful treatments will be developed for management of anger in kids.
Teenagers deal with unique situations, situations which only a teen may understand. Anger management for teens can be focused on managing anger-related problems encircling teens. Offering information & lesson plans, these anger management books for teens may impart a few answers to an adolescent’s inquiries about dealing with emotions of anger.

Adults with anger troubles are going to be poles apart from kids and teenagers. Adults handle each day problems that children don’t appreciate, situations that unleash lots of various kinds of feelings including anger. While this anger makes tribulations in the home, in the office or even with associates, they may possibly benefit from looking at anger management books intended for grown ups. Young families may be able to find assistance in anger management books for adults as well.

When an acquaintance or family member is filled with anger, the situation can develop into far more intense & complex. Since it entails such an appreciable amount people, numerous associations as well as all sorts of feelings & moods, a friend or relative may need an assortment of anger management books. When using the resource materials available, there’re without a doubt anger management books written for families.
Where would someone uncover these anger management books? A medical specialist or medical professional ought to have the ability to recommend helpful management of anger books to concerned folks. A neighborhood library can be an added great resource for anger management books.

Community bookstores & web based bookstores for example Amazon or digital information malls like CBproAds.com needs to be proficient of offering a list of anger management books used for all age groups. The Information superhighway may be a astounding starting place for information on anger management. Through scouting and browsing the related web sites, there will be suggestions for anger management books. These web pages will also most likely give fine points concerning tips to get hold of a duplicate of those anger management books.

Once any person finds an anger management book which contains useful suggestions, approaches & strategies for managing anger, it would be sensible to use the knowledge documented in book to make lifestyle improvements and work through troubles with anger. Anger management books are useless sitting on a bookshelf accumulating dust.

Quickly drop by my website and get a better understanding of the Emotional Freedom Anger Management technique whereby we let loose the past thoughts and emotions of anger through gently tapping a few spots on the body. When you vist, why don’t you pluck up a free copy of my most up-to-the-minute eighteen page special report, Coping With Anger Management Through Simple Anger Management Techniques. You can as well browse an additional great supporting expose which better details anger management techniques and information that further illustrates how to manage anger. This editorial has been circulated by means of Steven E. Crowley. If you found it valuable, why don’t you redirect it to a companion that may perhaps profit from it.

Article Source: Short Writeups

Insight meditation has been called one of the best ways to enable your mind to learn to relax and deal with all the hassles, BS and stresses that can be found in all of our lives. Dealing with the everyday crap and stress is something we all have to do and sometimes for a lot of us, it gets to be just a little bit too much to handle. We all know that the world around us is not going to stop all its crap, just because someone is having a bad day. If you use insight meditation you will be able to relax and get rid of all the extra pressure you may be feeling.

Once in a while you may feel that all the pressure is getting to be too much and the whole world looks as if it is coming apart at the seams. There are only two things you can do for this feeling; you can either deal with it as best you can, or you can just ignore it and risk having a breakdown, the choice is yours. Of course the obvious choice is to somehow deal with the pressure. Insight meditation is probably the best way to deal with the pressure and get a handle on your life.

Too much stress and anger is never healthy and has been scientifically proven to reduce a person’s life span significantly. There are no miracle drugs to take, no instant cure that will work for everyone, nothing that will make you stress free and feel good all the time. There are drugs out there that will do that but the ones that aren’t illegal can be addictive and are quite expensive, I guess that the illegal drugs are as well. Anyway, believe me; you really do not want to start down that road. Your future is in front of you, insight meditation can help you find a way to deal with the pressures in your life and move forward.

Insight meditation is the gate way to the alpha mind state which you achieve every night just before sleeping. The alpha mind state is when your brain is at its most relaxed and efficient state. It will usually occur when your mind is between being asleep and full consciousness; it will be only for a brief period of time and you will not even know that it has happened or have any control over it.

Insight meditation can be very helpful when trying to focus your attention and reaching the alpha state of mind whenever you want to. By using insight meditation you will have a great advantage; when others have to spend hours and hours attaining the alpha state it usually will only take you a few minutes to do the same. If you can reach this state it will enable you to overcome all the stresses that you see in almost every part of your life at home, work, or even your social life. By using insight meditation daily you will see a tremendous improvement in your everyday life.

To obtain a greater understanding of the excellent benefits of Insight Meditation and to get your FREE sample recordings, please take a moment and visit: www.Binaurals.info You will be amazed at what you discover.

Article Source: Short Writeups

by Edward W. Smith

Interested in becoming more happy and successful? Cancer Survivors have obviously been through one of the hardest tests life can throw us and this article has some surprising information from them that you can use to move your life ahead today.

According to a USA TODAY/Kaiser Foundation/Harvard study, 63 percent of cancer survivors say the disease changed their lives in some positive way. Some of the positive changes listed were such things as a renewed sense of confidence, a greater appreciation for their own endurance, a questioning of their priorities and an increase in their coping abilities.

As a motivational expert specializing in fast results, I think there are valuable lessons for all of us to learn from the terrible ordeal cancer survivors have gone though and how they changed.

The first lesson we can learn from this is to appreciate each day that is given us and live each day to the fullest, since none of know what tomorrow may bring.

Another lesson we can learn is that avoiding adversity is not always the best strategy in terms of our self development. Many times we only grow by going through the sometimes painful process of trying new things, and facing new challenges. Many times these things show us we can do things we thought we couldn’t do, or give us new knowledge and skills that take us to a new level in life. The same can be said for coping skills. The more we successfully cope with, the more we know we can handle and therefore we have lower levels of anxiety and stress, as we know we can handle things.

Going through adversity also increases our self-confidence and our happiness with what we have. If you can look back on a struggle to get what you have, such as an educational achievement, or mastering a skill, that new skill means more to us and we have a sense of pride in what we did and a belief we can tackle more in our lives. Also we enjoy what we obtained through adversity more than something we have that seemed easily obtained. Some people, who are gifted in an area, do not enjoy their achievements in that area, because it seems so easy to them. It is said that Marlon Brando looked down on acting and actors, even though he was a gifted actor himself, because it came easy to him.

So begin to gradually increase the amount of adversity you have in your daily life, but focus that increased adversity in areas that match your goals in life. For instance if you seek higher income, gradually increase the training and work you put in on the steps needed to produce more income. As you reach one goal, keep the pressure and momentum going and move on to one or more new goals, but don’t forget to acknowledge your progress and give yourself a small reward at each success.

Business and Life Coach Theresa Smith stresses that we need balance in our lives if we want to reduce stress and enjoy our lives. The sorting out of priorities the cancer survivors did, probably result in a change in the balance they had in their lives between work, family, relationships and so on. Make sure you do the same.

So take the lessons cancer survivors have shared with us and put them into use today. You will move towards having increased self-confidence, happiness and begin to move your life to a new level.

Edward W. Smith is the author of Sixty Seconds To Success, he produces and hosts the Bright Moment cable TV and internet radio show, is president of the Bright Moment Seminars, is a motivational speaker specializing in fast results, and publishes the free, daily, email of the One Minute Motivator (quick peak performance tip). His website is www.brightmoment.com and his email is edsmith@brightmoment.com.

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Article Source: Just Enjoy Life

by Luke Within

Perhaps we should consider those people who seem to live their lives in an apparently altruistic manner, dedicating themselves to conservation, charity, public service, learning, research, and so on. Could this be an illustration of the unconditional love that many of us hope to discover? Of course, the most important factor isn’t what these people actually do, but the reasons why they do it. If their conduct is truly altruistic, then that must mean that their key motivation is to work for the benefit of others, an outlook which clearly suggests a certain lack of concern for the various personal rewards which may be gathered while fulfilling these particular roles.

This description would seem to open up the possibility of anyone living their life in an altruistic manner. In other words, anyone can choose to move in this direction if they so wish, regardless of their social position or status. Whether they benefit others on a large scale or a small scale really doesn’t matter, only that this is their prime motivation as they engage in their various activities. Clearly, very few people are truly advanced in this respect, perhaps only those rare individuals who are able to approach all people with the same generous attitude. Kindness and generosity of spirit will distinguish such a person, qualities that each one of us should surely be striving to attain in ever larger measure.

You cannot, therefore, identify the genuinely altruistic person by simply looking at the type of position that someone holds. Even though their work may appear to have great benefits for the community, their involvement may be based on largely selfish considerations. Their principal motivation may be something other than the benefit of others, for example, the pursuit of power, or praise, or even, perhaps, an escape from serious personal troubles. Conversely, the person who holds no position of note may be very advanced in this regard, even though their efforts may be entirely unnoticed.

This analysis seems to suggest that each one of us has the potential to move towards that unconditional love in our life. Two elements seem to play a major role in this process: understanding and forgiveness. Starting with ourselves, we need to become more detached and impartial, qualities that will allow us to see ourselves as we really are, while avoiding the great sense of disappointment that this process often brings. We shouldn’t judge the qualities which we uncover, simply acknowledge them, accepting that they are a natural product of the various experiences which have come our way in our lifetime. The unconditional love that we seek must start with ourselves. If we can’t accept ourselves, we will hardly be able to accept anyone else.

The truth is, most people carry a pretty distorted view of themselves, refusing to acknowledge those qualities which they find regrettable. The reason for this is quite simple. From a very early age we feel a very natural need to feel good about ourselves, a requirement which is absolutely crucial to our healthy development. We need to feel that we are good, that we are valued, that we are loved. We then look to all those around us to see whether this is the case or not, taking note of the many positive and negative reactions which constantly come our way. In other words, how we actually feel about ourselves is completely out of our control, entirely dependent on the various fragments of feedback that we receive from others.

Those who experience rejection, who are attacked for their faults and weaknesses, who are mocked for their failures, tend to become victims of anxiety, and are forced to adopt a wide variety of coping mechanisms. The pain which they naturally feel is frequently repressed, placed somewhere in the background of their mind, allowing them to carry on as if unaffected. The anger that usually results may then be displaced, shifted to someone or something other than the original cause, a process which is likely to produce even more negative feedback. The guilt of having behaved badly is then repressed, and so on. Unless addressed, these painful feelings may stay with us throughout our entire lives, affecting all our relations with others, and preventing us from realising our highest potential as a human being.

There are many people, however, who have no personal knowledge of the problems just described. This can be illustrated by using the fictitious example of one very lucky young boy. He was brought up in a good home, where there was no serious conflict and he was treated with love and kindness. Every single day he received a generous amount of positive attention from at least one loving adult, allowing him to develop the knowledge, skills and confidence which would prepare him well for school.

Being a happy child, with good social skills, school proved to be a very enjoyable experience. He was able to concentrate on his various activities, his behaviour was under control and he was very popular with his classmates and teachers. He performed very well, was praised for his talents and conduct, and continued to receive excellent support at home. Not surprisingly, he was very successful and many qualifications were gained.

He made friends easily, pursued a successful career, settled down in a stable and loving relationship, and so on. Naturally, he felt good about himself and the life he was building. He had no inner conflicts, no repressed memories, due to the fact that life had treated him so incredibly well. He had a calm, relaxed manner and couldn’t remember the last time that he was angry. What a fortunate fellow he clearly was! Although this may all sound very ideal to most people, there are many people in our society, both male and female, who would have little problem identifying with the essence of the story just presented.

Does this mean that he had attained that unconditional love in his life? No, it certainly does not. Given that there had been such a steady abundance of good fortune in his life, we simply don’t know how he would react to the kind of severe setback that seems to happen to so many of us. The serious consequences of failure, rejection and guilt remained a complete mystery to him, something that he couldn’t really relate to since they were completely outside his realm of experience. His excellent background meant that he hadn’t yet encountered the darker side of his own nature, a potential which still lay dormant within him, resulting in a self-knowledge which was clearly only partially developed.

The main danger that this situation presents is the problem of pride. When we feel good about ourselves based on our qualities, abilities and achievements, there is a strong probability that we will have little understanding for those of apparently lesser ability and character. We will judge them by our own standards and values, making no effort to consider the deeper reasons for their less admirable conduct. It is only when we are willing to take the necessary time to understand that we are all essentially the same, each with the potential for good or evil, that the problem of pride can gradually be overcome.

Any comments?
I can be contacted at this email address: billynicol@aol.com
How did I find that love? Well, you can have a look at these 2 websites: http://www.contact-info.net and http://www.tprf.org
People from the UK can visit this website: http://www.wordsofpeace.net
Good luck!

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Article Source: Just Enjoy Life

Discovering the trials and tribulations of astrology can ultimately change your life. As you look into it, it may be an eye opener for you, with ideas and concepts that are deep and meaningful. Understanding it, takes time because there is lots of information to take in and learn. However, once you do learn how it works and what it means, it will change your life for the better.

Often people try to learn and understand astrology because they want to learn more about themselves. Many people believe strongly in the way that astrology works and feel that the stars and planets aligning ultimately predict and plan their future. Astrology is made up of lots of categories, charts and numbers that make it a very scientific process.

There are a few signs in astrology that are based on your birthday. Depending on when you were born, you have a sign that is made up for that month. The signs are; Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Libra, Virgo, Leo, and Cancer. Everyone can have a sign and use it when they want to know about their horoscope. A horoscope can be daily, monthly or yearly. You can find horoscopes in the newspapers, magazines, and on the internet. Some people check their horoscope everyday or just check in once a month. For some, the things written in their future telling are true, while for others it didn’t even get close.

In astrology, every planet has a house and sign. The Sun represents the sign Leo and it provides the will to survive, the ego and will power. The Moon represents Cancer and provides inner self and emotional make-up and well being. Mercury represents Gemini and stands for governing the way we think. Venus represents Taurus and Libra and stands for love and relationships. Mars represents Aries and offers assertion, and competitiveness. Jupiter represents Sagittarius; this planet is connected to good luck and optimism. Saturn stands for Capricorn and represents, learning by your mistakes and can cause many setbacks. Uranus is connected with Aquarius and is a planet that is free of conventions.

Neptune represents Pisces; this planet allows you to defuse situations but often make things look foggy and unclear. Pluto represents Scorpio and stands for power and control. This information comes in handy when experts read their charts and look at how some of the planets are aligning in the lines and grids on the chart. They feel that when certain planets get to close or end up in a certain area those things will likely happen in a particular way. This helps people who go and see astrologers on a regular basis, who want to know their future and need help in making decisions.

It is also believed that the moon has nodes. The south and the north node. The nodes represent mathematical points that connect the moon to the sun and help to align them together. The north node is for the future and opportunities that lay ahead, while the south node is for lessons and talents already learned.

A birth chart is divided into twelve segments. The segments are called houses and are numbered from 1-12 counter clockwise. When planets fall into a house it releases energies and strength for certain aspects to happen. Learning all about the charts takes some extensive training, because it is a complicated system that constantly changes.

You can have access to articles about self improvement in Portuguese language from page Self_Improvement Roberto Sedycias works as IT consultant for Polomercantil

Article Source: Relaxed Reading

If you find yourself caught without pepper spray, a stun gun, or any other self defense device, you’ll have to resort to unarmed self defense moves. While this should never be done if you have a better alternative, unfortunately violence does happen, and it can catch you off guard. If it happens to you, you should know how to fight back even if you have no form of weapon handy.

Most people think they will simply escape and run away if someone attacks them. This is almost always impossible. In many cases the attacker will already have you in their grip before you realize what’s happening. If the attacker has a knife or gun, they can seriously injure or even kill you as you’re trying to run away from them. You’ll have to incapacitate them before you can escape, either with an effective self defense device or by physically forcing them to let you go.

When you aren’t carrying a self defense device, you should be aware of everyday objects that could be used as weapons if the need arises. Pens or other sharp objects, as well as your car and house keys, can be used to jab an attacker, particularly in the eyes. When trying to fight back against an assailant when you don’t have a weapon, your entire body should be viewed as a weapon. Aim for sensitive areas such as the face and groin; your efforts will do more damage there than when aimed at their stomach, chest, back, or extremities.

Use punches and kicks aimed at getting your attacker to loosen his hold on you. Particular targets include the neck, eyes, and temple. Be careful with kicks; many people think that they kick more effectively than they actually do, and if you do not kick correctly the attacker could grab your leg, pulling you to the ground. Plus, most people are faster with their arms than they are with their legs, although kneeing the attacker can be a good strategy. When punching, aim for the face, eyes, and neck.

Learning to defend yourself like you see in the movies comes only with practice. Martial arts moves can give you confidence and a few good tips, but even if you are trained in martial arts, you should not rely on this to defend yourself against an armed attacker. Do not plan to knock out your assailant with one blow; even if you see it on TV, this simply is not realistic. You must land constant hits and not stop fighting back until it is safe to get away. Keep kicking and punching until your attacker stops fighting. As soon as you are able to, run away. Do not prolong the fight more than you have to.

Despite these methods, you should never plan to make unarmed self defense your only method for fighting back against an attacker. The truth is that most attackers come prepared, may be armed, and are usually stronger physically than those they are trying to attack, making it very difficult for you to succeed if you try to fight back using only unarmed moves. Even if your moves are successful, it is still unlikely that you will come out of the altercation unscathed. Carrying a keychain pepper spray canister, a small stun gun, a personal alarm, or a baton gives you a much better chance of escaping from such an attack unharmed.

Resist Attack has a full range of pepper spray to keep you and your family safe. Also check for current specials on our tazers

Article Source: Relaxed Reading

Your effectiveness can be characterized by how you identify your most important tasks and tackle them with single-minded focus until they are all completed. The challenge is usually those tasks that you know are priorities, but that you’ve put off for whatever reason. Below are some points for you to follow to motivate yourself to priorities and complete these tasks:

Focus

Your ability to focus in a single-minded fashion to accomplish your most important task is the prime determinant of your success. The complication comes in, when you lack clarity about your true goals and objectives. Lack of clarity impairs action. You need to focus on the task which is important and requires immediate attention to complete.

Planned Action

Successful people launch directly without hesitation into the major task that confronts them at any point in the day. However, while acting is better than procrastinating, action without planning leads to failure and disappointment, so learn to plan daily. Remember the 10/90 rule: investing 10% of your time in planning before beginning a project will help you use the other 90% of the time more effectively to complete it.

Prioritize

Remember Pareto’s rule. If you have a to-do list of 10 items, two of those items will generate 80% of the return you get from your entire list. Begin with the end in mind. After attending to the urgent and important matters, focus on what is important but not urgent. Failures do what is tension-relieving while winners do what is goal-achieving.
Make a list of your tasks. Prioritize your list by putting an “A” next to those tasks that you must do as soon as possible or face serious consequences. If you have more than one “A” number them “A1”, “A2” etc. “B” tasks are ones you should do, but that carry mild consequences. “C” tasks would be nice to do, but carries absolutely no consequences at all. “D” tasks are those you can delegate to someone else, so your goal is to delegate all of them to free your time for things only you can do. “E” task is one you can eliminate altogether. It may have seemed important once, but it isn’t any more. You can’t do everything and there is only so much time in a day, so start with the 20% of tasks that will generate 80% of the return.

Time

The Law of Forced Efficiency relates to the idea that any job will expand to fill the time you allow for it. If you have two days, it will take you two days (or perhaps more). However, the flip side is also true: If you have only one day to complete a two-day job, somehow you find the time to do it.

Being effective requires a positive attitude and the will to do the most difficult task first. Because you can’t do everything, indulge in creative procrastination – put off the things that do not carry a consequence. Break large tasks down into a series of simple ones. Work with a sense of urgency.

Steven is Chief Instigator at Xpatulator.com a website that provides cost of living index information and calculates what you need to earn to compensate for cost of living, hardship, and exchange rate differences.

Article Source: Relaxed Reading

When a smoker reaches for their last cigarette when they can’t get more in a timely manner, it creates anxiety. Some people think this is due to nicotine withdrawal but it’s not. The person is anxious, not because they need a cigarette at the moment, but because they know they won’t have one for their next cigarette break. This has nothing to do with physical needs because they still have that last cigarette in the pack to smoke. It is because the cigarette is part of the smoker’s self-image.

In this article, we will discuss how smoking becomes a part of an individual’s self-image and how this is a key foundation of the Psychological Smoking Mechanism. This mechanism is why it is hard to quit smoking.

The Smoker Starts at an Early Age

The average age that a person starts smoking cigarettes is around fifteen. It is sometimes even younger and other times a little older but the time window is usually between the ages of 12 and 16. This time frame corresponds to puberty which is a very difficult and intense period in a person’s life. The changes of puberty result in an Identity Crisis.

The impact of puberty is so unpleasant, people tend to start forgetting about it as soon as it is over. How often do you fondly reminisce about the age of 14? If you are like most people, memories of the time between the ages of 12 and 16 are vague because they were so chaotic and unpleasant. Yet, it is the chaos and intensity of this time that creates the Psychological Smoking Mechanism and empowers it. So, it is important to review just what happens during puberty and the Identity Crisis.

Puberty and the Identity Crisis

The one experience that every human being shares in childhood is the Identity Crisis. It is universal no matter what country or culture. Yet, the full impact of this time is ignored. Many of the problems that manifest later in adulthood can be traced back to this time. Smoking is one such problem that is forged in the crucible of puberty.

Why does puberty cause an Identity Crisis? It is the rapid change of the body in a short period of time after years of slow, steady growth. The body changes so rapidly, the mind doesn’t have time to adjust.

As everyone knows, we all start out very small. As adults, we look at infants and can’t relate to ever having been that small. How many times have you looked at an infant and said to yourself, “I was once that small”? It just doesn’t happen! We don’t like to remind ourselves of being in such a helpless situation. Just think about how you feel if you happen to be around your mom when she starts reminiscing to her friends about when you were a baby! I have seen many a young adult turn bright red with embarrassment.

When a baby is born, the development cycle is such that the infant starts out very small and grows rapidly, about an inch per month, the first year. The second year, the growth rate slows to about 1/2 inch per month and between age of three and puberty, the growth rate slows to about two inches per year. It is slow enough that we adjust to it without much difficulty. A fraction of an inch a month of growth is not very noticeable and although we are slowing getting larger, we adapt our self-image. Because we acclimate to the slow rate of change, we have an identity; we know who we are.

Who Is That in the Mirror?

Then, we enter puberty. It varies from person to person but usually starts between the ages of 12 - 14 although it can start earlier. The slow, predictable change that has gone on for 9 to 11 years is suddenly, and in some instances, shockingly speeded up. In a short period of time, many physical and emotional changes take place.

When the growth spurts start, it is usually double what it was between age three and puberty although for some people it is even greater. In a matter of months, the body is noticeably bigger. The rate of growth speeds up to the point that the person can experience “growing pains” and in some cases, stretch marks.

In addition to size change, the individual starts to develop sexually. Familiar body parts start to change. For boys in particular, the voice changes with embarrassing results. It seems as if each time the person looks in the mirror, they are different. After years of a known self-image, a stranger is staring back from the mirror! A stranger with a 5 o’clock shadow or, for the girls, a stranger with a rapidly increasing chest!

Emotional Chaos

In addition to this massive growth spurt, the person experiences emotions that are greatly amplified by the flood of hormones. Also at this time, new feelings of sexuality emerge.

This intense amplification of emotions and physical sensations is overwhelming. It is almost too intense and results in some embarrassing situations for both boys and girls. A consequence is that every event has a greater emotional impact than it would under normal circumstances. The increased emotion causes positive events to be more positive and negative events to be more negative. Amplified emotion is what leads to the creation of the Psychological Smoking Mechanism.

The Twilight Zone - Between Childhood and Adulthood

For the adolescent, puberty is a nightmare. They don’t look like themselves, they don’t feel like themselves, they have feelings they never had before, they have body features they didn’t have before, their voice is not the same, they are taller, favorite clothes and shoes are outgrown quickly, and many other changes. Adults are no help because they take the attitude that everyone goes through this experience. This response is due to the repression of their own puberty experiences. Believe me, the typical adult attitude towards the changes of puberty is no consolation to a young person whose world has been turned upside down!

In addition to amplified emotions and sensations, there is the added burden of shaving for both boys and girls, and of course for girls, bras and tampons. The carefree life of the child is shattered. To add to the stress, school has become much more complicated by requiring the student to change rooms many times per day with different teachers for each class and harder courses. Gone is the security of a single classroom with a familiar teacher and a small group of peers that you got to know by being around them all day.

Misery Loves Company

Since adults seem to dismiss the changes of puberty as trivial, an adolescent in the chaos of puberty looks to people who can relate to what is happening to them. They turn to their peers, who are also experiencing the same things, so they don’t feel alone in this massive assault on the childhood self-image.

The common realization each adolescent shares is that the old identity doesn’t work anymore. No longer a child but not considered an adult either. The only security the adolescent sees is being an adult but, they aren’t mentally or emotionally there yet. So, the peer solution is an attempt to force the title of adult. This is done by attempting to copy behaviors that are considered adult only. The two most common choices of adult behavior are the forbidden ones of drinking alcohol and smoking.

Smoking is Hard, Getting Drunk is Not

Of the two “adult” behaviors that the adolescent chooses to declare adulthood, the one with the most prestige and peer approval is smoking. This is because the hardest thing about drinking alcohol is getting it; anyone can drink and get drunk. However, smoking is different.

Smoking is very hard to do. A person has to go through a learning process to suppress the normal body protective mechanism. It is a miserable time but the motivation is driven by the amplified emotion of puberty and desperation to define an identity as an adult. Intense emotions give more power to the motivation and allows them to force themselves through the miserable, time consuming process of learning to smoke. Obviously, not everyone has the force of will to do so but a large percentage who choose smoking persist and learn to smoke. When the adolescent succeeds in being able to smoke, they are the envy of their peers, most of whom cannot smoke. They join the small, elite group of smokers and are considered accomplished. And why not, after all they have mastered a very difficult task; learned Mind over Matter to suppress the normal body protective reaction. They have created the Psychological Smoking Mechanism.

Smoking and Self-Confidence

Peer approval, the small club of smokers, the daring rebellion of breaking the rules by violating the law, and the perceived rebellious independence (who hasn’t looked on with admiration at the smokers plotting a cigarette break in the high school bathroom between 3rd and 4th period?), are very important to the adolescent. The ability to smoke cigarettes gives them prestige that they see the majority of their peers do not have. This is one of the building blocks of the Psychological Smoking Mechanism: smoking makes me special and admired.

Unfortunately, the young smoker gives power to the cigarette and feels that without it, they would not, and this is probably correct, have the attention that smoking gives them from both adults and peers. Smoking has become a part of their self-image because it gives them confidence. This confidence usually leads to other successes which in turn, are attributed to smoking when in reality, it is the confidence that led to success, not smoking; they just don’t realize it.

Conclusion

A person usually learns to smoke during the changes of puberty when they are trying to establish an adult identity. They are not a child but not yet an adult so they seek what they consider adult activities to declare themselves an adult. Among their peers, smoking has the highest status because it is hard to do and most young people won’t or cannot do it. This results in admiration and prestige from their peers and adult attention that they would likely not have otherwise.

Smoking gives the young person confidence which in turn allows their natural abilities to produce success in other areas. The cigarette is given the credit when in reality, it is their confidence in themselves that produce the additional success. Due to this misconception, the young person believes the ability to smoke cigarettes has given them things they wouldn’t have otherwise and without smoking, they would not have the other successes. This is a key foundation of the Psychological Smoking Mechanism. Removing the impact of these beliefs is an important step towards becoming a non-smoker.

© R. Michael Stone, All Rights Reserved

R. Michael Stone, M.S. - Counselor, 33 years experience with subconscious communication and subconscious programming techniques. Creator of The Unlearn Smoking Success System™ - Become not an ex-smoker but a NON-smoker in only 28 days.==>Program Details and FREE Reports Other Self-Help Products==> Click Here==>Thinking Write Book

Article Source: Relaxed Reading